How neediness works for (or against) you

The life of a human is mostly spent satisfying one need or the other. This is what fills most of our discussions, it is what drives most of our actions – in our homes or our workplaces.

There is often this impulse that by satisfying our needs, we can be happier or more successful. This is mostly the basis of our neediness. It is nailed hard into our consciousness by our parents and our society, they both strictly demand that we meet certain goals in life in order to attain success or achievement, whether fairly or unfairly.

Tony Robbins, an American entrepreneur, author, life coach and business strategist, sums up all our human needs into six basic categories that can help us understand them better and decipher how they truly make or break us.

According to Robbins, in a post, human needs can broadly fall into either of these categories:


We have grown on the habit to be sure of what to expect. We have fixed goals we must meet. Graduate from an institution, get a job, start a relationship and get married. We want comfort, success and acceptance.

Robbins says this affects how much risk we are willing to take in life – in our jobs, in our investments and our relationships. It is where our real ‘risk tolerance’ comes from.


What about a change from the norm? How many of us are willing walk a totally different path? How many of us are ready to face the unforeseen? Many of us are not ready for uncertainty. But whether we like it or not, it always comes our way.

Robbins believes that only when we are exposed to uncertainty do we build muscle in life or business.

Corny as Robbins sounds about it. Those difficult and unpredictable experiences that we go through in life often help us grow some strength and skill. Robbins says, ‘You can’t grow muscle – or character – unless you have something to push back against.’


We like to feel important, special, unique or needed, Robbins explains.

Some people achieve this by making a lot of money, graduating from school, getting a job, carrying a particular hairstyle, or live in a particular place. People have different ways for satisfying their feeling of significance.

Love and connection

Love is what we often want the most. It is a popular belief that the feeling of love will make us feel alive. Truly, it really does. We also go through pain when we lose love, it breaks our heart.

Robbins explains that, ‘The pain is so great that most people settle on connection, the crumbs of love.’

These first four needs a further classified as personal needs. The next two needs are classified as spiritual needs.


Growth is a phenomenon that makes everyone feel fulfilled. By experiencing some form of growth in any aspect of our life or work, we usually feel fulfilled.

According to Robbins, ‘If you’re not growing, it doesn’t matter how much money you have in the bank, how many friends you have, how many people love you – you’re not going to experience real fulfillment.’

For him, the reason why we grow is so we can have something of value to give.


Life is more meaningful when we give, Robbins argues. Meaning does not come from what you get, it comes from what you give, he says.

He concludes that it is not what you get that will make you happy in the long term, but who you become and what you contribute will.


Of all of these categories of needs, the first four are those that we usually try to satisfy. We rarely make provision for the last two. However, the last two, the needs of the spirit, are the ones that usually make us feel fulfilled the most. Not matter how much we satisfy our personal needs, we cannot feel fulfilled.

Think this carefully and answer this question: which of these categories of needs makes you feel fulfilled the most, the personal or spiritual needs?

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